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[bring_a_sponge]

 
Picture this:

The Man in Charge. Master of All He Surveys. The Chief. The Boss. The Big Man.

Agent Zed.

In his office at the heart of MiB HQ.

A good day. Quiet. Productive. The kind of day a man expects he'll be able to look back on with tremendous satisfaction.

Well, half a day, anyway....

Comments

[bring_a_sponge]

Zed turns toward K with a pained look. "Here it starts...."

K tries very hard to stifle a snicker, but can't quite make it.

[nita_callahan]

"Um, yeah, maybe something that wouldn't bite into the college fund."

A few more rustlings, and Nita emerges from the stall, straightening her tie. "How do I look?"

There must be this said for the MiB suits: it's hard not to look sharp in them.

[3rdtimelucky.livejournal.com]

"Oh sweetheart," Goldy coos. "Functional yet fashionable footwear is what expense accounts were invented for."

She gives the teen-in-black an appraising once over.

"Not bad."

Her nose wrinkles a touch.

"The shirt and tie are going to have to go though. That look went out with Dietrich. It's just a teensy bit too butch for you."

Goldy and Jen never even put theirs on. They went with low cut silk blouses instead, which they just happened to bring along with them. Fortunate that.

"Don't worry. We'll get you into something more suitable before your first field assignment."

[nita_callahan]

Cocking her head, Nita pulls a pair of sunglasses out of the jacket's inner pocket, slips them on, and examines the effect in the mirror.

"Marlene Dietrich? I can think of worse people to take style cues from."

[gammagammahey.livejournal.com]

"Dietrich is an admirable paragon. Although you might want to try a little Kate Hepburn on for size before you go for Weimar decadence."

She glances down at their shoes.

"Hmm. Kors. I could ask Janet Van Dyne to work us up something that could hopefully pass MiB regulations. Jan's got some fabrics that would put SHIELD and NASA to shame - tough as adamantium, flexible, and beautiful. Besides, who would say no to a pair of boots from the Winsome Wasp? Half of my wardrobe is Jan Van Dyne orignals. But," she clarifies, looking at each of them in turn, "We do make this look good."

[3rdtimelucky.livejournal.com]

Goldy reacts by striking a pose. Nothing too flamboyant, but still devastating enough to bring most men (and maybe some women) to their knees. And from it, she looks at Jen over the top of her Ray Bans.

"Was there ever any doubt that we would?"

[gammagammahey.livejournal.com]

"No."

Jen's answering grin betrays a certainty.

"We're going to be instrumental in mentoring. High standards are to be expected."

Dark green eyebrows are waggled at Goldy in a series of semaphores, which clearly say that once Zed and K are truly out of earshot and the girls are alone, they can immediately peruse the MiB codex and look for loopholes. Jen is very good at finding loopholes, but she also knows that the MiB run a tight ship.

"Speaking of which, Goldy, are you a Dolce & Gabbana or Yves St. Laurent girl?"

Yes, she knows that Zed and K can hear her.

[3rdtimelucky.livejournal.com]

"Neither," Goldy reveals. "I do Armani mostly."

She absently checks herself out in the mirror before she breaks posture.

"Which is not to say that I wouldn't like to check out some Van Dyne. You've got adorable taste, so I trust your judgment on such things. And, hey, maybe she could fix us up some skirts to go with this outfit, as well as boots."

Goldy, too, is very aware that the MiB's are listening.

[gammagammahey.livejournal.com]

"The skirts need to go up at least three inches in length when we're in deep insertation situations requiring clear body language, don't you think? But a knee length is good for general diplomacy.

[3rdtimelucky.livejournal.com]

"Agreed. In principle."

She fires a dirty wink at Jen.

"Clothing isn't really necessary at all when I work with deep insertion."




All gutter talk aside, Goldy is fairly serious about the skirt idea. It can't be helped if the degeneration of the conversation puts Zed off the scent.

[nita_callahan]

Nita glances between them over the top of her shades.

"Just what kind of mentoring were you guys planning on doing?"

She is Shocked. Really.

[bring_a_sponge]

"Nothing the bureau is going to pay for," Zed growls. "You can bet your ass on that."

"Beta! Gamma! Front and center! I'm not hosting some kind of goddamn intergalactic fashion gala around here."

[gammagammahey.livejournal.com]

Jen's been a Special Agent for S.H.I.E.L.D. (when they're not shooting at her nipples or being complete jerks to her cousin). She knows when to go front and center.

Tap tap tap go her heels from the dressing room back to the lockers, as she presents for Zed.

"Yes, Chief? You of all people know that clothing is a religion for some species. Forget to accessorize properly, send the wrong signal, and semiotic terrorism results."

[3rdtimelucky.livejournal.com]

Goldy troops along behind, eyes rolling, and falls into line beside Jen.

"I know MiB is all about intelligence, but eavesdropping on girls in the bathroom is pushing it."

"And don't think I haven't seen those cameras in there," she continues with mock sternness. "If I ever find voyeur porn of myself online..."

"I'll know who to come to for a cut of the profits."

[gammagammahey.livejournal.com]

"YouTube. I'm sure that's where half the universe gets their first line intel."

[bring_a_sponge]

"You want profits, talk to Frank the Pug. Maybe your his type."


Zed hasn't actually met anyone who wasn't the Pug's type. If there was ever a time when Frank made distinctions, it was long before Zed ever met him.

[nita_callahan]

That spluttering noise is Nita attempting to stifle snickers at Jen's comment.

[3rdtimelucky.livejournal.com]

Against her better judgment, Goldy decides to go with Zed's advice on this one.

"Alright. I will."

She brings out her MiBlackberry and taps in a reminder note to look Frank up. The fact that he's a dog doesn't worry her. If anything, it piques her interest even more.

[bring_a_sponge]

You'd think it would be easy, but Zed is finding it almost impossible. There are just too damn many aliens out there who one time or another made his life an unbelievable pain in the ass.

How the hell is he supposed to pick just one to be the first to have this bunch show up?

Then again, getting the chance to fantasize one first contact after another between Milliways in Black and a bunch of alien bastards is putting Zed in a dangerously happy mood.

[gammagammahey.livejournal.com]

Like a voraciously hungry Great White shark hot on the trail of a bucket of fresh chum, Jen hearkens to that possibly anticipatory gleam lurking within Zed's eyes. At least, that's what it looks like.

"Permission to speak and question relentlessly, chief."

Not that Jen often asks for permission, of course, but she does deeply respect Zed.

"May I query what's on the agenda for our first missions? Any developing situations, longstanding impasses, or about-to-implode scenarios that need our attention?"

[3rdtimelucky.livejournal.com]

Like a remora getting to feed on the chum after hitching a ride on the aforementioned more keenly-sensed shark, Goldy jumps on the conversational bandwagon now that the topic has been broached.

"Yeah. Come on, Zee. We've had the rage, you've done the Speech, and Nita's suited and booted now. It's time for assignments."

[bring_a_sponge]

A gleam comes into Zed's eyes.

Not an evil gleam. Just a--. Well, ok, it's a pretty goddamn evil gleam.

He mashes an otherwise unremarkable spot on his desk and barks, "L! You find that Krylian ambassador's head yet?"

"Sorry, Chief. Not yet."

"Well," Zed grins. "It's your lucky day. We just got in some new recruits who'll be just the people you need."

"Uhhh," says a very doubtful L. "New recruits, did you say, Chief?"

"Yeah. The new intern and two auxiliary Agents. Fresh from Milliways."

The silence on the other end of the line speaks volumes.

Zed chuckles, and just lifts his finger off the desk without another word.

"The Krylians. One of the most easily insulted races in the galaxy. And the Annelids. Your old pals, Agent β."

"Been in a chronic Prank War for centuries. Things have been quiet for the last few years, but we just had a diplomatic incident flare up this week that might just turn the war hot again. And if that happens, we'll be looking at the complete economic collapse of at least two star systems, and a disastrous credit run on another four or five."

"Unless, that is, a crack team of new recruits steps in to keep that war from starting. And who better to keep a crisis situation from spiraling completely out of control than an intern, two auxiliary agents, and one experienced veteran--," K blinks, "--from fucking Milliways?"

[3rdtimelucky.livejournal.com]

Goldy looks less than enthusiastic in the wake of that, and a bit confused.

"I fail to see where ass-kicking comes into this mission," she says. "Unless you're actually hoping for all-out war? In which case, sending me to appease an easily-offended race should take care of that, no problem."

[gammagammahey.livejournal.com]

"It's a war of wits mission, Goldy. A different kind of ass kicking, but still ass kicking, and unless I'm guessing wrong, a lot of running around and saving the universe at the last possible second. It sounds perfect. Where do you want us, chief? Annelids or Krylians?"

Jen, for posterity, relishes this kind of thing, if nothing else because she can practice her sense of impeccable timing.

[bring_a_sponge]

"You two take the Annelids. They might actually pay attention to you two. Besides, Neeble and his bunch have the hots for Agent β here, so take advantage of it. Make it funny, and the worms might even thank you for screwing 'em over."

"Meanwhile, K and Nita, you two get to deal with the Krylians. Find out what got the Ambassador's shorts in a bunch and try to keep the rest of his staff calmed down until we can get the Annelids to back off."