(no subject)

[bring_a_sponge]

 
Picture this:

The Man in Charge. Master of All He Surveys. The Chief. The Boss. The Big Man.

Agent Zed.

In his office at the heart of MiB HQ.

A good day. Quiet. Productive. The kind of day a man expects he'll be able to look back on with tremendous satisfaction.

Well, half a day, anyway....

Comments

[nita_callahan]

Knock-knock-knock.

Nita is dressed as professionally as she knows how, smiling (albeit nervously), and precisely on time.

(She may, in fact, have stood at the bottom of the stairs watching seconds count down on her watch so that she'd be knocking exactly on time, and not a minute late or early.)

[bring_a_sponge]

"Come in!" Zed barks. Just like K said he probably would.

[nita_callahan]

Mmyep. Pretty much.

Here we go! She straightens her blouse and opens the door.

"Afternoon, sir. I'm Nita Callahan -- we have an appointment?"

[bring_a_sponge]

Zed grunts, but nods too. "Ms. Callahan. Grab a seat. Be with you in a second."

Zed mashes a button on his desk and growls, "L! Your team find the Krylian ambassador's head yet? His body is driving me nuts. Keeps making these goddamn gestures, and I can't tell if they mean he's threatening to file an intergalactic lawsuit or if he's making some kind of crack about my mother."

"Oh, uhh, sorry, Chief," replies a feminine voice from a box on Zed's desk. "No luck yet."

Zed rolls his eyes. "Well, get on it! Or I'll send the body down there so it can waggle it's appendages at you! Zed out."

Zed eyes Nita and shakes his head.

[nita_callahan]

Nita takes the offered seat, and -- listens. You can't really eavesdrop on Zed; eavesdropping implies effort.

". . . Can he actually communicate, um, in pieces?" Nita asks in spite of herself, fascinated. "Or do you think he's just trying to?"

[bring_a_sponge]

"Oh, he's trying to all right."

"He'll be communicating once I figure out what in the hell he's saying. And then I might be doing some communicating of my own."

Zed makes a gesture that's incredibly vague but hints at something neither the ambasssador's head nor his body would enjoy very much.

[nita_callahan]

She winces. "Rocky negotiations?"

[bring_a_sponge]

Zed shrugs. "The usual. The Krylian's just pissed off at the Annelids again for some prank or other. Neeble's probably using the guy's head for a paperweight or to go bowling or some shit. It's his own damn fault for being too uptight."

"Which probably means by Tuesday the Krylians and the Annelids will be at war. Again."

[nita_callahan]

"Great," rueful. "This is a regular occurrence?"

[bring_a_sponge]

"Every ten years or so."

"Their wars go on until whatever is the prank of choice becomes a priceless commodity. Could be any damn thing: whoopie cushions, rocket boosters, firecrackers, grease paint, whatever the hell. Both sides sink their planetary economies into Total Prank War and drive themselves straight into a massive market depression."

"Not that the Annelids give a shit. They just think it's funny. But it's kept the Krylians screwed for the better part of five centuries."

[nita_callahan]

Her eyebrows go up.

"Huh. Victory by market forces. Adam Smith'd be proud."

[bring_a_sponge]

"Maybe. Or maybe he'd find a table in the nearest pub and start smacking his head against the table over and over. Who can say?"

"Anyway, we're not here to talk about anything as inherently surreal as Annelid foreign policy. This is supposed to be a meeting about K's crazy damn notion--. Errrrhh, I mean, your application for an internship here at the MiB. So why should I be considering that an even remotely sane idea?"


Which would be Nita's signal to make her opening pitch.

[nita_callahan]

"For starters, because I can take the idea of an interplanetary prank war in stride, and probably communicate with the Krylian ambassador's body if you want to push the next one off for slightly longer?"


:D?

"Specially sanctioned by MiB Special Services....."

[bring_a_sponge]

There's a new row of lockers down in that special room in MIB Headquarters. They seem exactly like all the others, save the small panels on the front of each door which bear a very unusual set of letters: α, β, and γ.

Waiting.

Waiting for the crack future.

[3rdtimelucky.livejournal.com]

It's here that Goldy rejoins the tour group, bearing a number of steaming mugs on a tray. Thanks to the odor-resistant qualities of her Suit and her hair, and the industrial strength exhaust fan in the break room, it would take a very sensitive nose to detect that she was recently smoking. However, her amused smirk gives away the fact that she's been doing something illicit.

"Okay, I'm here," she announces, handing K a strong black coffee.

"You can quit reeling off the boring trivia now, and get to the important stuff."

Nita gets her tea with two sugars and Jen gets a cappuccino with a sprinkle of cinnamon. Finally, she gives Zed his drink: a low fat caramel macchiato with whipped cream. That smirk of hers isn't going anywhere.

"I thought you liked it black, but Gleeble said this was your favorite," she explains.

[k_in_black]

"It's all important stuff," Zed grumbles, glaring at the low-fatness of his cup.

"Thank you, Darlin'," K smiles. "And this," he continues, turning back to Nita, "Is the locker room...."

[gammagammahey.livejournal.com]

Jen is standing in front of their new lockers, holding a sleek black duffel bag. In fact, she's in the middle of unzipping that duffel bag and extracting her laptop to test the antimatter personal laptop lock.

"Thank you, Agent Beta." Jen's been using code names long enough that it sounds vibrant, sincere, and quite smooth. Awkward? Not when you've been calling people "Wonder Man" and "Captain Ultra" with a straight face for the past ten years.

"This is the first test of the benefits package. If the java isn't good, I may resign, Agents K and Zed respectively. Stated for the public record."

Fortunately, the cappuccino is more than passable when she sips it. Goldy gets an appreciative one-armed hug in thanks.

"You remembered the cinnamon! Thank you, sweetie."

The scent of caramel wafts through the air, wanton and absurdly out of place when juxtaposed with Zed.

Jen eyes Zed's cup. Speculatively.

[3rdtimelucky.livejournal.com]

In reply to Jen, Goldy stands on her tip toes and pecks the jade giantess on the cheek.

"Of course I didn't. A good MiB Agent never forgets such things."

She retrieves her own cup of coffee and sets the tray down on the nearest bench.

[bring_a_sponge]

"All right, listen up!" Zed growls. "The rest of this day may be going bugfuck, but this part's going to be done right."

"Callahan! Get over here!" Zed points at the spot right in front of locker α.

[nita_callahan]

Nita accepts the tea with a grin and a "Thanks" for Goldy, then goes back to watching the banter with a smile and listening to K's orientation speech with a nod.

At Zed's bark, she straightens up and steps to. "Yeah? --Yes, sir?"

. . . So she's maybe a little nervous, especially when everyone else is so clearly at ease, but she's doing her best not to get rattled.

[bring_a_sponge]

"Juanita L. Callahan."

Zed pauses, sweeping the room with a glare to shut everyone up, before turning back to Nita.

"You will dress only in attire specially sanctioned by MiB Special Services."

"For the duration of your internship, you will conform to the identity we give you. Eat where we tell you. Live where we tell you."

"You will have no identifying marks of any kind. You will not stand out in any way. Your entire image will be crafted to leave no lasting memory with anyone you encounter."

"You are a rumor. Recognizable only as déjà vu and dismissed just as quickly."

"You don't exist. You were never even born."

"Anonymity is your name. Silence,your native tongue."

"You are no longer part of the system. You are above the system. Over it. Beyond it."

"We are 'Them.'"

"We are 'They.'"

"We are the Men in Black."

"And for the duration, Agent α, so are you."

And there, in Zed's outstretched hands, is a crisp new Suit.

[3rdtimelucky.livejournal.com]

Goldy sips her coffee as she listens to the speech. At the mention of 'identifying marks' she takes a lock of her instantly recognizable hair between her fingers, and looks at it with interest. She then squints at her rather blatantly green companion.

So much for that rule applying to them. She stifles a snort and continues to listen.

When it's over, she gives Zed a slow golf clap.

"Very professional. Well done."

[gammagammahey.livejournal.com]

Jen offers Goldy something amorphously between an affectionately admonishing and utterly indulgent look.

"He is good at this. Come on, sweetie, this is a formative experience for Nita."

Her cappuccino gets set on top of the nearest locker - she is that tall, after all - so she can applaud. Esprit de corps is important, after all!

"Want some help, Nita? Zed, don't you dare tell me this doesn't come with a gravitonic lint roller."

[nita_callahan]

Nita, for her part, stays very quiet and listens very carefully to every word Zed says.

When he offers the suit, she sets aside her tea and echoes, in the Speech, "For the duration."

That's as solemn a binding as she's willing to give -- and it's pretty solemn. It's not a code she'd want to live by indefinitely, but . . . for the duration. Okay.

Then she takes the Suit with both hands, still solemn.

And then attempts not to expire with glee at being Agent Alpha. Seriously, how freaking cool is that?

Moment of solemnity over, she nods at Jen. "Um, sure, that'd be good."

[bring_a_sponge]

Zed, anticipating Nita's next question, points to an alcove leading to changing rooms. Then seeing Goldy and Jen begin following her there, growls,

"Try not to take forever in there, 'Locks. We've got a goddamn galaxy to protect."